Compassion is the ability to feel sorrow for another’s misfortune and want to alleviate it. It is the emotional capacity of being conscious of another’s distress. It is a shared sense of suffering.

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another’s shoes. It is being able to imagine what another is going through and feeling. It involves being capable of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another without having those feelings, thoughts and experience being communicated. Empathy is the first step to having compassion.

Compassion and empathy are the essence of a man’s soul. It is from the soul that all goodness springs: love, mercy, charity, forgiveness, respect and humility, among others. These are the traits that remain after the body dies and decomposes. Those are also the traits that most often touch the lives of others in ways that are remembered.

Boys need to learn compassion for others or they become self-centered and self-focused. When that happens, other people in their lives suffer. Without empathy and compassion boys do not become whole men. They are out of balance, never having the softer traits (gentleness, caring, loving) to knock the rough edges off their harder core traits (aggression, ambition, selfishness).

Surprisingly, death seems to be one of the more effective ways of teaching boys about compassion and empathy. One activity that is very healthy in the emotional development of boys is hunting. Societal wisdom might suggest that killing an animal (hunting) would breed violence and cruelty in males.

But research suggests just the opposite is true. Hunting in fact actually develops respect and reverence for life and other universal virtues in males such as generosity, fortitude, respect, patience, humility, and courage.

According to noted family therapist and bestselling author Michael Gurian, hunting paradoxically makes males more empathetic and develops responsibility, fairness, and compassion. Besides war, it is the most powerful way for males to learn these virtues.

Gurian contends that healthy, safe hunting under the guidance and training of mentors actually produces a holistic experience that creates less violence in young males. In contrast, the one-dimensional experience of violent video games that do not show the real-life consequences of life and death instead generates more violence in males.

Hunting helps develop a sense of self-mastery and impulse control in males that contributes to a healthy self-esteem. As Gurian says, “Hunting has proven to be across the spectrum—especially in those males we think of as violent, criminal males—as having great results in teaching those guys to hunt and getting them reoriented toward things they couldn’t get in the inner city, so they even see a gun in a new way by learning to use it to hunt. It’s why we are having success at places like Idaho Youth ranch. Places where boys are hardened criminals, but they’ll kill an animal and hold it and weep.”

Dr. Randall Eaton is an award-winning author and behavioral scientist with an international reputation in wildlife conservation. During a recent conversation I had with Dr. Eaton, he told me: “Hunting is one of the most transformative experiences a boy can have. Women are adapted to bring life into the world, but men are adapted to take life in order to support or protect life. I conducted thousands of surveys on older men and asked them to choose the life experience that most opened their hearts and engendered compassion in them. It was not becoming a parent, which was extremely high for women who had birthed a baby, nor was it teaching young people, nor the death of a loved one or beloved pet, but it was ‘taking the life of an animal.’ ”

According to Dr. Eaton, hunting makes men more compassionate and more peaceful. As he says, “Hunting and killing are as fundamental to male development as birthing and infant care are to women. . . . Men take life to support life, and the kill itself is the event that engenders compassion, respect for life, and the moral responsibility to protect it.” In his surveys of men who had hunted all their lives, the men overwhelmingly selected three universal virtues that they acquired from hunting: inner peace, patience and humility.

Mothers are key factors in teaching boys about compassion and empathy. Her unconditional style of love helps boys—merely through her example—understand what it means to have compassion and empathy for others.

Dad, make sure you value and respect your wife’s loving, nurturing nature in front of your son. Make sure he understands how important it is for the family to thrive and grow. These are powerful lessons your son needs to learn if he is to become a “whole” man.

Question: What ways can you think of to teach your son the valuable character traits of compassion and empathy?

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Courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face uncertainty, difficulty, intimidation, danger or pain with or without fear. In fact, true courage may be doing something we fear despite our fear.

Courage is also generally considered interchangeable with bravery which is the ability to stand up for what is right in difficult situations. Boldness, fearlessness, mettle, and fortitude are also considered to be courageous qualities.

Courage is one of the greatest virtues a man and a leader can have. It is virtually impossible to be an effective leader without courage. Leading a family, operating a business, going to school, and even volunteering your time require courage in various degrees.

Courage is not the absence of fear but the conquest of it. Courage (especially in males) is the willingness to fail. Courage is the defender and protector of all other virtues. It is essential in order to guard the best qualities of the soul, and to clear their way for action. To be afraid to the point of paralysis is to have no soul.

But courage emancipates us and allows us to move with freedom and vigor. Henry Van Dyke described the effect of courage as, “Not to tremble at the shadows which surround us, not to shrink from the foes who threaten us, not to hesitate and falter and stand despairing still among the perplexities and trials of life, but to move steadily onward without fear . . .”

When parents exhibit courage, they produce children with courage. Billy Graham once noted, “Courage is a contagion. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened.”

The need to take risks in order to feel alive, to do the impossible, to face one’s fears and not back down is present in the warrior heart of every boy and man. But too often our culture teaches boys that this drive is bad or unnatural. We punish boys for being too aggressive, too boisterous, and too loud. We medicate them in school when they act in normal behaviors that are biologically driven.

So how do we teach our boys to have courage? First, teach your son to embrace failure. Fear of failure keeps most men from even attempting something. Most males feel humiliated by failure or inadequacy. But males learn best by trial and error, by attempting something, failing and persevering through until they succeed. Boys who avoid anything they are not sure to succeed at live very limiting lives.

Modeling courage to our sons requires us to be courageous. Many times as men we avoid things that are unpleasant. In reality we are often afraid to do them and use our veto power as a form of cowardice. We justify not standing up and speaking our mind at school board meetings because we don’t like to speak in public when in reality we are afraid someone might criticize us.

We choose not to have a heart-to-heart conversation with our daughter’s date(s) because we don’t want to seem un-cool or old-fashioned, when truthfully we are just afraid of confrontation. We do not address issues in our relationship with our wife until they are nearly irreparable because we fear emotional confrontation and examination.

Our sons (and daughters) eventually see through this guise and come to believe that if dad doesn’t think anything is important enough to “put it all on the line” about then why should they. We teach them to become cowards without even realizing it.

Your role in life is to shepherd your son into manhood. Shepherds do not produce sheep—sheep produce sheep. Shepherds produce other shepherds. Being a shepherd requires you to have the courage to shepherd your son into healthy manhood despite what our culture would teach him.

Question: How do you model courage for your son?

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Perhaps no character trait embodies healthy masculinity more than that of honor.

Honor is the soul of masculinity. It is a code that a man lives by that lifts him above mere mediocrity and survival. It allows him to use the incredible power that God has endowed him with to lift the lives of others beyond what they could ever be without his broad shoulders to stand upon.

Honor allows a man to stand tall among lesser members of his gender. It allows him to reject and ignore involvement in self-gratifying activities (like adultery, drugs, lying, or stealing) that sap his ability to live a life of integrity and wholeness. It allows him an opportunity to strive for greatness in life. It motivates him to live his life to a higher standard.

Honorable men and honorable expectations teach boys to become honorable. Being surrounded by men of honor and immersed in an environment steeped in an honor code integrates this trait into a boy’s heart. Teach your son what you believe to be important in the life. Develop a core set of beliefs that as a family you believe to be foundational and unbreakable. Develop an honor code for your family.

Teach your son he doesn’t have to be ashamed of being a male. So much of our culture’s messages are subliminal or even overt messages that are either unhealthy for males (stereotypes of aggressive thugs or womanizers) or speak the message that males are not good—that being a male is somehow bad just by virtue of his gender (men in TV sitcoms are almost universally portrayed as bumbling buffoons).

Some factions of our culture even refer to boys as having “testosterone poisoning.” Teach your son that God created man in His image and gave him the power to influence lives for hundreds of years just by what he does or doesn’t do with that power.

Tell him he matters—that as a husband, a man, and a father he matters more than he will ever know. As a father he is nearly irreplaceable in the lives of his children—they suffer mightily in his absence.

Teach him that people he doesn’t even know about are constantly watching him to see how a man thinks, acts, solves problems, and faces life. Teach him that a real man lives a life of honor.

Question:

What does honor mean to you? Have you talked to your son about honor?

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If your son is an athlete, you must take time to know what your son is putting into his body.

It is trendy (and common) today for even young athletes to take performance-enhancing drugs such as steroids, human growth hormones, or other lesser known (and non-regulated) supplements in order to gain either a competitive edge or stay even with other athletes.

Anabolic steroids are artificially produced hormones similar to male testosterone. There are over 100 variations of anabolic steroids, all of which are illegal except with a prescription by a physician.

Anabolic steroids stimulate muscle tissue growth by mimicking the effects of naturally produced hormones. They improve strength, endurance and muscle mass. Serious and long-lasting effects of performance-enhancing drugs like anabolic steroids include health risks such as cancer, heart disease, stroke and liver problems. Other side effects include premature hair loss or balding, mood swings (including anger, depression, and aggression), paranoia (including mania, psychosis, or suicide), high blood pressure, trembling, joint ache, and shortening of height.

The risks of anabolic steroid use in males:

• Testicular shrinkage

• Pain when urinating

• Breast development

• Impotency

• Sterility

Even legal, over-the-counter supplements may contain chemicals that have unknown effects on the human body. New technology is constantly giving us information on the side effects of these products. Unfortunately, the technology to test these products lags behind the production and marketing of new ones.

I have lifted weights and played sports for most of my life. The only substances I have ever taken are natural protein shakes (without supplements) to help naturally produce muscle mass and recover from workouts sooner.

I have also coached middle school and high school athletes for years. I am not a doctor or a nutrition expert, but it is my “unprofessional” opinion that if a high school athlete does not have health issues, he does not need to ingest anything beyond a well-balanced, healthy diet containing all the nutrients recommended by the Recommended Dietary Allowances, (RDAs), the United States Recommended Daily Allowances (USRDAs), and the dietary recommendations of Diet and Health (Committee on Diet and Health, 1989).

Specific sports, however, may require modifications of nutrient intake to meet the physiologic demands of that sport, but this should never include performance-enhancing drugs or supplements.

Take it upon yourself to investigate any products your son wants to ingest. Do not take your son’s word that it is okay. Do not even accept his coach’s permission or recommendation on a product without checking with your physician or other health care professional first.

My experience has been that while there are some very good and knowledgeable coaches, most high school coaches are just teachers trying to pick up some additional income—they know less than many parents. And even though most parents of high school athletes think their children are good enough to receive a college scholarship, only a small percentage actually do.

In addition, only a miniscule number of college athletes make the ranks of professional athletes. Your son’s long-term health is too important to risk for some short-term gain that probably will not do anything to benefit him in the long run.

Question: If your son is involved in sports, are you sure that he is not taking any form of steroids or performance enhancing drugs?

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Another aspect that contributes to a man’s success is the ability to stay for the long haul.

For instance, many professional baseball players become stars, but few make the Hall of Fame.

Why?

Because the difference between being good and being a Hall of Famer is longevity. It is being consistently good over a long period of time—not just good for a season or two. A baseball player who bats .300, with 30 home runs, and 100 runs batted in (RBIs) is a star. If he does that for 10 years in a row he is a superstar, but that would probably not be good enough to get him into the Hall of Fame. However, if a player averaged those statistics for fifteen to twenty years, he would be guaranteed to make the Hall of Fame (provided he did not cheat by taking performance-enhancing drugs).

Why is consistency important? It is important because our boys need to be men who stay consistent in their character over a lifetime. From experience I know it is easy to toe the line for a short period of time. But keeping my act together over the course of a lifetime has proven to be much more difficult.

Boys who do not learn this discipline suffer by making self-defeating choices and decisions. Boys without consistency fall into situational ethics and other culturally acceptable traps. This not only sabotages their lives but those of their wives and children as well.

Whenever a politician makes a poor decision in his personal life, I hear people excuse his behavior by saying, “His personal life has no connection to his ability to do his job.”

Yes, it does! Character is character, and it permeates a man’s soul. It is not something that a man can apply in one area of his life and not in another, turning off and on like a light switch. If a man cheats, lies and steals in his private life, it can be expected that he will do so in his professional life as well and vice versa.

Your son needs to know that others will be depending upon him over the course of his life.  Being consistent in his decision making process will help him fulfill the responsibility that comes with leadership.

Question: What examples from your life can you point out to your son that model consistency?

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Hardihood is a word you don’t hear much anymore.

But it is a quality I not only admire in other men but continually strive for in my own life. It means having fortitude (another word you don’t hear much today), courage, and internal strength.

Dictionary.com gives the definition of hardihood as: 1. boldness or courage, daring; 2. audacity or imprudence; 3. strength, power, vigor; and 4. hardy spirit or character, fortitude. Young men who exhibit the character trait of hardihood have a boldness and confidence in their actions, especially when encountering difficulties or dangers. They have a stout and persistent courage, mental toughness, and physical endurance. They resist fatigue and are somewhat daring in nature.

Hardihood is an internal toughness which is comprised of equal parts resiliency, resolute courage, fortitude, and self-assured audacity. It empowers vigor, robustness, and physical endurance by allowing one to ignore the first onset of fatigue. It willingly meets the challenges of life without having to be emotionally inspired or stimulated. It means being mentally and physically rugged.

The Art of Manliness blog says of this trait, “Hardihood generates constitutional boldness in attempting difficult tasks or those where the outcome is doubtful; it drives one into actions that require courage and fortitude to attempt; it leads one to overcome opposition to one’s efforts and to exercise intrepidity without apparent fear regarding the consequences, to climb over obstacles that would daunt conservative judgment or ordinary daring, to set one’s teeth and make the Herculean effort that brings success from apparent failure. Hardihood is daring rather than conservative in its nature. It is frequently a strong characteristic in men who have vision, or foresight, and also excellent judgment and strong, practical abilities.”

I have a friend who has been going through some of the most difficult struggles I can imagine for years now. I do not know how he keeps going, but he is still standing tall, leading his family despite facing overwhelming odds that would have crushed most men. He has more hardiness and fortitude than any man I have ever met. I cannot tell you how much I admire him

A man or boy who cares too much about what others think of him or his actions is prone to suffer from not having hardihood. But this quality prevents boys and men from being passive and indecisive, two traits that are weakening males throughout our culture, making them ineffective leaders and less than they are capable of becoming. Life will be hard, and I want to model a man for my son who does not quit the first (or tenth) time he encounters the storms of life

Question: What challenges can you create for your son to give him the gift of hardihood?

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One of the real disservices we do to our boys is to not teach them the value of hard work. I believe that part of a male’s identity is created from the very act of work and (healthy or not) from the type of occupation he holds.

Many of the problems parents experience with their teenage sons can be solved through work. Give your sons chores, make him get a part-time job, and keep him physically active. You’ll have fewer problems with his attitude, with getting into trouble, and with sex if you can keep him mentally and physically tired.

The military discovered many years ago that they could eliminate fighting, horseplay, and sexual preoccupation in boot camp by keeping hundreds of teenage young men so exhausted that they fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow in the barracks at night.

Boys develop confidence and competency (which define their self-esteem) by accomplishing masculine chores that increase their skills and abilities. They learn this best under the guidance of a father or other older male. Masculine chores include activities like building things, yard work, pouring cement, repairing a car, fixing a home, painting a house, repairing a roof, plumbing, or any other number of things that are best accomplished by his own two hands, his muscular physique, and the sweat of his brow.

Through physical work he builds his body, hardening his muscles, and increases his physical strength and endurance. Teddy Roosevelt was a sickly, weak boy who built himself into a man of impressive physique and unparalleled accomplishment through hard work and self-discipline.

Too many parents today parent out of guilt. They allow their desire to make their children happy override their intuition and common sense. Parenting is not about making your children happy. It’s about helping them grow strong and prepare them for successful life as an adult.

Giving in and allowing them to satisfy their every whim only serves to give them a distorted view of life. Life isn’t fair and it doesn’t care about your child. The sooner your son learns that lesson, the more easily he can adjust his attitude to deal with that fact.

Our young adult son Frank (23 years old at the time of this writing) appears to have a fairly well-developed work ethic. He works both a full-time and a part-time job and gladly fulfills the requirements to maintain steady employment. But he readily, even eagerly, admits his aversion to any activity that requires him to sweat.

Because of that, he is missing out on the joy and satisfaction that comes from the creative process of building something from nothing with his own two hands. He is depriving himself of the self-esteem a man feels from tackling a project on his own and through his own initiative, ingenuity, and hard work accomplishes a task through the sweat of his brow.

Males are physical beings. We process information and emotions more easily when we move, we develop self-esteem through accomplishments, and we channel aggression into healthy physical activities. Without the chores and hard work that used to be necessary in order to survive, young males are turning more toward sedentary activities that keep them from becoming powerful physically, which in turn also contributes to their emotional and mental health.

Teach your son to work and everyone will be happier.

Question: Does your son have chores that he does as part of his home life?

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Tony Rorie is the founder of a program called Men of Honor in Dallas, Texas.

Men of Honor exists to make passionate followers of Christ by mentoring and training next generation leaders ages eleven to seventeen in the principles of chivalry, honor, integrity, moral excellence and courageous leadership. They use a three-pronged strategy of life-changing camps, conferences, and curriculum.

The camps are weekend encounters where youth go through rites of passage, leadership development exercises, and powerful encounters with the Holy Spirit. The most important Father’s Blessing is imparted by older male mentors to mostly fatherless youth. Camp graduates are then connected to weekly curriculum-based mentoring groups where they are taken through Dr. Ed Cole’s Majoring in Men curriculum and taught that manhood and Christlikeness are synonymous. They believe being a male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of choice.

Tony gave this powerful speech at a recent graduation:

When this generation was born, there were three parties present: The Lord was there to name them according to their purpose. He named them Victorious Warrior, Mighty Deliverer, Faithful Servant, Overcomer, Light in the Darkness. Next their parent or, if they were fortunate, parents, named them: Dalton, Daniel, James, Lauren, Jordan. Then the enemy named them: Drug-Addict, Pornographer, Suicide Victim and AIDS Patient.

This generation will fulfill two of those three names in their lifetime—which will it be? Thirty-six percent of this generation woke up this morning without their dad in the home. Whoever captures the heart of the next generation will name that generation. Modern marketers have begun their plans long ago. The enemy has begun his plans . . . to kill, steal, and destroy. These forces will spare no expense to see their plans come to reality.

NEITHER WILL WE! We will spare no expense to see the plans of the Lord come to light in the hearts of young people. They are created in the image of God and bear His image. They are world changers, Kingdom builders—mighty servants of the Kings of Kings!

Join us in our pursuit of this generation. Pray for Men of Honor as we establish life-changing opportunities for young people to hear the Good News of life through Jesus Christ, see their purpose and potential as world-changers, and stand up in their generation as leaders!

What a mighty, manly legacy to pass on to a group of boys entering manhood. All males, no matter their age, yearn for significance in their lives. They yearn for a battle to fight that means something. Young men run to the battlefield, not because they want to kill or be killed, but because they want to participate in a battle bigger than themselves—one that matters. They want the world to know they existed. God created them this way to make the world safe and healthy.

When we teach our sons the nobility of using the awesome masculine power that God gave us to help others, we give him the ability to define his life—we channel that natural competitiveness, aggressive nature, and yearning for significance that God gave him into healthy, life-giving outlets. The world has many battles that need to be fought by a group of men and boys banding together.

Things like poverty, child and domestic abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, illiteracy, sexual slavery and human trafficking, fatherlessness, and violent behavior. Just like men of lore were adventurers of wild continents, explorers of untamed lands, and conquerors of the unconquerable, we need to give our young men today adventures with noble causes to live their lives for.

But without a vision to inspire them, many boys settle for a life lesser lived.

Question: What kind of vision are you creating for your son?

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Pray not for lighter burdens, but for stronger backs.

Theodore Roosevelt

As a culture we are losing our most valuable resource—male leadership. Young men have grown up in an age of cultural suspicion, and they have found that it is difficult to exercise any kind of leadership without raising someone’s ire.

Cultures that allow families and communities to exist with no stable, healthy male authority and leadership devolve into chaos. Healthy masculine leadership protects the weak. It uses its influence and power to provide safe, life-giving encouragement and provision.

A healthy man doesn’t shirk his responsibilities. He undertakes tasks with a “can-do” attitude and does not gripe or grumble when they become difficult or times become tough. He provides for his family as part of his manly duty. He takes pride in solving his own problems. He willingly shoulders his duties and doesn’t face his responsibilities sullenly.

Aubrey Andelin says, “His acceptance of this responsibility adds substance to the faith his wife places in him when she leaves the security of her parents’ home to make her way with him.”

Boys need to hear words like strong, brave, talented and noble in order to assimilate their duty as leaders. They need to have the adults in their lives intentionally speak affirming language that inspires and uplifts them to willingly assume the mantle that leadership imposes upon him. They need to be taught to relish the satisfaction that duty and honor bring to a man.

I am blessed and fortunate to continuously see the fruits that my ministry labors produce. To live a life where people frequently contact you to say that you made a difference or changed their lives and the lives of their families is an awesomely gratifying experience that carries with it great responsibility.

Many men who know me look at my life with envy, but few are willing to make the sacrifices or take the risks necessary to achieve it. We need to encourage boys from a young age that God has a special plan for their lives. We need to train them early to be leaders and prepare them for the responsibility that comes with that role.

We need to be intentional in equipping them with a bigger vision of what life is about rather than just letting them “settle” for whatever life throws at them. We need to inspire them to use the gifts and powers that God has endowed them with to make a difference in the world.

When we do that, not only will men become men again, but the world will be better because of it.

Question: What does being a leader look like to you? Talk with your son about the burdens of responsibility.

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This past season, several high-profile college head football and basketball coaches have been vilified and lost their jobs due to the perception that they harshly enforced disciplinary methods upon a player or players in their program.

I’m not defending these coaches’ methods as I do not know the situation, but here’s what I do know. Many young men today, especially talented athletes, have been raised without a father or any other form of accountability or boundaries in their life. They have gotten whatever they want their entire lives. They do not understand the value of true leadership or the concept of respect.

These young men rebel against any kind of discipline and despise authority figures. Even though they may in truth crave discipline, they have steered their own ship for too long. They have learned to do what they want, when they want, and so any kind of restrictions—whether it is healthy for them or not—are very uncomfortable. They instinctively resist accountability and become self-focused and self-absorbed. Without willingly acceding to the mentorship and authority of other men, young males with this attitude will struggle their entire lives, creating problems in the lives of those who love and depend upon them.

Teaching boys’ self-discipline is difficult and requires effort on your part. Like most things worthwhile in life, it is hard. Boys learn best by what is modeled for them, not spoken to them. Teaching them self-discipline requires that you be disciplined. Constantly indulging your son in his every desire isn’t good for him. It doesn’t mean you have to be harsh, but you do have to say no sometimes—even frequently. For some parents today, pushing their sons to teach them self-discipline almost feels like child abuse. But the truth is that the more you can teach them to have a strong sense of self-discipline, the happier and healthier they will be throughout their entire lives.

Boundaries are a must during the teenage years. Boundaries help instill self-discipline. Without boundaries, boys do not know what the rules are and what is expected of them. They may rebel, but remember no matter what they say, the very fact that you thoughtfully and consistently enforce rules of behavior makes them feel loved and valued.

They might complain to their friends that you are mean and tough, but they will say it with a sense of pride too. I’ve known many at-risk young men who have told me that they wished their parents had loved them enough to make them follow a set of guidelines designed to keep them safe.

Recognize though that boundaries need to be flexible to grow and change as your son does. Just like your son is constantly growing and changing so too his boundaries should be dynamic. To hold a seventeen-year-old young man to the same boundaries he had as a thirteen-year-old boy would certainly cause rebellion at best and psychological damage at worst. As he shows more maturity and responsibility, his boundaries should be loosened to help him continue to grow in his decision-making and critical thinking skills process.

Our goal is to help him become a healthy, functioning adult by the time he is out from under our umbrella. By not allowing him to grow, we are doing him a disservice by ensuring his failure in the world.

That said, all children (even teens) need clear-cut rules, structure, and guidelines in order to develop self-discipline. They thrive under firm supervision and guidance—they need strong boundaries and discipline from adults. They don’t need you to be their friend. They have plenty of friends. They need you to teach them the things they will need to be successful in life. And sometimes that requires courage on our part.

Teens (especially strong-willed ones) know how to push buttons—they are developing their critical thinking skills so they like to argue. They are masters at manipulation. They wear you down—it’s part of their battle strategy. That’s one reason it is important for a husband and wife to be on the same team. They must work together to ensure that a child is raised with consistency and with the same agenda. The bane of many divorced families is that Mom and Dad have a differing value system in their respective homes. Kids are confused from week to week as to what is expected of them.

Discipline comes in two forms—internal and external. Internal discipline or self-discipline is what we strive to teach our kids by applying external discipline. External discipline is applied in a variety of forms—allowing them to suffer the consequences of their actions, teaching them the pleasures of delayed gratification, understanding the relationship between hard work and success, and through personal accountability.

Kids, who are not subjected to healthy discipline while growing up, tend to live unhappy lives and create chaos in the lives of those around them. When we discipline our kids, we are actually preparing them for much more fulfilling lives.

Think of it this way. Self-discipline is a gift you give your son that will benefit him his entire life. It will benefit your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren as well. Like all things that are important in life, though, learning self-discipline is difficult and requires hard work. One of the most effective ways to teach boys self-discipline is by holding them accountable for their actions and choices. The sooner they learn that every decision they make (or don’t make) has consequences associated with it, the sooner they start making disciplined and healthy choices.

This will be extremely important when he becomes a man and his choices have magnified consequences to both him and his family. Want to see this in action? The next time your son wants an item from the store, tell him, “Sure, you can have it if you buy it with your own money.” You’ll quickly see what he places value on when he has to be responsible for purchasing it himself.

Questions:

What boundaries have you placed in your son’s life that will teach him self-discipline?

Are you intentional about teaching self-discipline?

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