I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be a blessing.

~ Psalm 37:25-26

Out of all the practices of generosity, the final one is the most difficult:

A commitment to act.

Generosity without action is nothing more than good intention. And good intentions don’t make the unloved feel loved, the hungry fed, and sinner forgiven. Generosity requires action, people in motion and hands extended, to make it a reality.

But now it’s early January. Gift-giving has ended. Christmas is over. When the spirit of the season fades into the activity of a new year, the motivation toward generosity fades as well. It’s easier to think of generosity when serenaded by Christmas carols and bathed in Christmas tree lights. But when real life takes over in January, what happens to our giving spirit?

Generosity needs to be more than a December phenomenon. It needs to be a lifestyle carried into January and beyond.

Today’s post is short, intentionally so. You have an assignment, and rather than reading my words, I want you to come up with some of your own.

How will you make generosity an active part of your life and your family’s life in 2012? Will you . . .

• Volunteer at a nursing home?

• Make meals regularly for the sick or suffering?

• Commit to living in complete forgiveness toward others for the entire year?

• Write a “thank you” note once a week for a kindness offered?

• Start each prayer with a minute of thanksgiving?

• Memorize a handful of Bible verses on thankfulness?

• Commit to verbally affirming acts of generosity you see?

• Or ???

You decide. After all, it’s your life and your journey toward a generous life. But put some thought into it, talk to your teenage son and ask him what he would like to do to become a more generous person. And then write it down on a note card, committing together to making it part of your 2012.

One more assignment for you . . .

Leave a comment with your commitment and ideas. We’re all looking for creative ways to make generosity the legacy of our lives.

Happy 2012, my friends! May we recognize the wealth of blessing we have in Jesus, and then live in such a way as to share that wealth with everyone we meet.

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“Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?”

~ Isaiah 58:7

Generosity starts with seeing.

It didn’t occur to me that there were starving people in the world until I did my first mission trip at 16 years old. Sure, my parents had reminded, “People are dying of hunger in Africa!” when I refused to finish my supper. But my eyes weren’t fully opened to the reality. A few weeks living in poverty, however, changed my vision.

Still, I failed to recognize that I could do something about it until my eyes were opened a second time: when I began to see my own wealth. Not a bulging bank account or mansion filled with cars and possessions. I’ve never had either of those. But the abundance of resources I do have, especially when seen against the backdrop of someone else’s need. When I saw how much I’d been blessed—in forgiveness, relationships, possessions, time, talents and resources—my desire grew to share it.

But it began with the ability to see.

Generosity is far more than throwing around wads of cash. It’s the ability to recognize blessing, and the ability to recognize another person’s need. It’s sharing time, words, presence, and, yes, even sometimes money or possessions. It’s about choosing to forgive often and fully in light of the abundant forgiveness I’ve been given. It’s sharing a limited Christmas budget with a family whose income disappeared during a layoff. It’s helping a friend pack up their house and move because I remember the relief I felt when friends helped us do the same.

As I mentioned last week, the first two practices of generosity include:

• Recognition of Blessing

• Awareness of Others

Both involve seeing: seeing a need, and seeing my ability to meet it. But how in the world do we teach our teenage sons to see?

Daily Practices

Generosity is a discipline, something that develops over time with daily and intentional practice. In the Cushatt home, we create opportunities to practice generosity by:

• Writing thank you notes for gifts received

• Offering verbal acknowledgements for acts of generosity

• Telling each other “thank you” for acts of service, even if small

• Reminding each other of (and celebrating again) gifts that have been received/given

• Exercising grace and forgiveness

• Minimizing the emphasis on possessions

• Occasionally meeting a family need anonymously

• Discussing a display of generosity publicized in the news or newspaper

• Making thankfulness a regular part of family prayer time

Real-Life Snapshots

Sometimes seeing requires a change of scenery. We practice generosity outside of our home by:

• Serving dinner at the local rescue mission

• Adopting families who are going through a tough time

• Taking short-term family mission trips

• Delivering food and gifts to a ministry before opening Christmas gifts

• Helping neighbors (shoveling a driveway, mowing a yard, etc.)

• Serving consistently in our neighborhood, schools, a local church, etc.

These are only a few possible ways to teach ours sons to see. How you practice generosity in your family?

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“A generous person will prosper; he who refreshes will be refreshed.”

~ Proverbs 11:24-26

I’d been traveling for almost two weeks straight. And although I love speaking and meeting new people, the travel part I could do without. I was on my way to another destination, dragging along my worn suitcase and backpack, wandering through another airport and layover while waiting for the next leg of my journey.

Water. I needed a bottle of water.

I found the closest newsstand, pulled a cold one from the back of a refrigerated cooler, and walked to the counter to pay.

But trying to find my wallet proved an Olympic-sized feat. I maneuvered luggage and backpack, digging my one free hand in the dark abyss known as “my purse.” The wallet should’ve been easy to locate, the biggest item inside. Still it eluded me, and I grew increasingly frustrated. About the time I was ready to give up, a stranger presented the cashier with a couple dollars. Just as quickly, he offered a smile, a “Have a nice day!” and walked away.

I tried to protest, let him know that I had the money. Somewhere. In the black hole strapped over my shoulder. But he was gone. And with him my frustrated exhaustion.

Generosity does that. It soothes the spirit, warms the heart, and renews the mind. With a couple bucks and a generous smile, one person refreshed my day. Just that simple.

And yet it’s anything but. Raising three children has taught me that generosity is not at all simple. Selfishness is easy; generosity isn’t. Don’t believe me? Then watch a roomful of preschoolers after being told to share their toys. Or how about grade-schoolers and Halloween candy? Within minutes, formerly calm children start fighting over who has more Snickers than the other. By the time they’re teenagers, they graduate from candy to fighting over who gets to ride shotgun or play Xbox the longest.

Generosity begins as disciplined practice, as much as exercise or Bible reading. It’s rarely automatic, instead requiring a choice – and practice. Over time, practiced generosity will often lead to a lifestyle, one that may appear automatic, but is anything but. I’ve narrowed the process toward generosity to three basic practices:

• Recognize Personal Blessing

• Become Aware of Others

• Commit to Action

For the next three weeks I’ll be talking about generosity. If ever there’s a time we should be inspired to be people of generosity, it’s during the season when we celebrate the gift that’s made us who we are—the gift of a child in a manger, Jesus, our Immanuel. My hope is that each of us will learn how to be women defined by generosity, but also that we’ll learn how to encourage a generous spirit in the hearts of our sons.

“But now as for what is inside you—be generous to the poor, and everything will be clean for you.” ~ Luke 11:41

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“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.”

~ Psalm 100:4

This month we’ve talked a lot about gratitude: the pattern, the perspective and the practice of it. But today I feel that we’ve done enough talking. To wrap up this month, and to emphasize this subject with an exclamation mark, I simply want us to pray. Lift up your heart to our Father. He’s been abundant with his love and presence. We have much to be grateful for!

Heavenly Father,

Thank you.

I hardly know where to begin. You’ve blessed me far beyond the appreciation expressed in those too-small words.

Thank you for allowing me to be a mother. As difficult and challenging as it’s been at times, I wouldn’t have missed out on this adventure for the world. I’d do it all over again. I’d do the sleepless nights, the worried days, the long evenings of homework, the frustrating conflicts, and the painful tears. Yes, I’d do it all again, because being a mother has been one of my most treasured gifts.

You have blessed me with sons, young men whom you’ve both created and called. Thank you for entrusting them to me for a season. Thank you for forgiving me the many times I’ve fumbled and failed. Thank you for giving me wisdom at those moments when I didn’t know what to say.

Thank you for providing me with a supernatural love when I thought I couldn’t endure one more day. And thank you for reminding me that long after they leave the protection of my reach, you will have them safely within the realm of yours. What a reassurance it is to us to know my children will never—never!—be out of your sight.

Thank you for what you’ve taught me about faith and life through the journey of parenting. I’ve discovered your love is far deeper (and much more patient!) than I imagined. If the ache in my heart is a mere shadow of what you feel in yours for your children, I’m not sure how you bear the love you hold. And yet you do—generation after generation. Through Jesus, you’ve made us your heirs, children following in your footsteps, destined to forever be at home with you. I am forever grateful for your love.

Father, we have no idea what tomorrow holds. We have today, this moment alone. But I’m grateful that our days are fully known by you, our eternity is secured with you, and the children we know and love are even more so yours than they are ours.

With a full and grateful heart,

Amen.

“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!”

~ 2 Corinthians 9:15

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Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday of the year. Unadulterated by commercialism and selfishness, Thanksgiving brings together my favorite ingredients: Family, food and the slow savoring of relationships and life.

For one day a year most of us are happy, appreciative, satisfied and grateful. We stuff forks full of turkey into our mouths and nap on the couch with children. For one 24-hour block, gratitude changes our perspective.

Unfortunately, the day after Thanksgiving dawns with holiday sales and moody shoppers. Christmas too soon wears the previous day’s contentment thin. Continuing in gratitude takes some serious effort. If we want the peace of Thanksgiving to carry over into the other 364 days of the year, we need to implement a few life changes and practices that elevate the status of gratitude to a way of life rather than a once-a-year hiatus.

As you search for the biggest turkey and prepare all the fixings, don’t forget to make gratitude a significant part of your holiday. Establishing thankfulness as a chief priority will help it continue long past November 24.

Here are some ways to elevate gratitude this Thanksgiving:

• Volunteer to serve Thanksgiving dinner at the local rescue mission.

• Go grocery shopping with the family, purchasing items for a local food bank or family in need.

• Go around the dinner table, asking each person to share one thing they’re grateful for.

• Set a timer for 60 seconds and have a race to see who can come up with the most things they’re grateful for.

• On a 3×5 note card, make a list of those things you’re thankful for. Fold it and keep it in your purse/wallet as a reminder.

• During family time, have each person share one thing they appreciate about the person on the right. Then go the other direction.

• While driving to school or another activity, start a conversation with your son about what he most appreciates about his dad, brothers, sisters, etc.

• Part of gratitude is simply being satisfied. With this in mind, commit as a family to an entire month of no spending (aside from essentials: basic food, shelter, etc.). Use the month to talk about how much you have, without needing anything more.

• Talk about Christmas, coming up with ideas for how your family can make the holiday less about “getting” and more about gratitude for what you already have.

• Become aware of countries and cultures that live quite differently (and with far less) than we do. Read articles, look at pictures, and discuss it as a family.

• Make plans to take a family mission trip to a place of poverty in the next 1-2 years.

“Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land.”

~ Psalm 95:2

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When my mom was a teenager, Grandpa would tease her about the lack of gas in her car’s tank. As soon as the needle passed the middle mark, he feigned panic: “Oh no! Your car is half empty!”

She’d worry and stew until she could get to the gas station and fill it back up. It was years later she realized the silliness of his statement. For although her gas tank was, indeed, half empty, it was also half full. One perspective always left her desperate for more. The other perspective would have reassured her what she currently had was enough.

When it comes to gratitude or a lack of it, sometimes it’s simply a matter of perspective. When August comes and academic, senior picture and athletic fees are due, it’s easy for me to dwell on what we’re lacking. I complain to my husband, “Ugh! We’re broke!”

A half-empty perspective, for sure. The alternative is to recognize I have healthy children capable of going to school and playing sports. Not only that, but somehow we had enough money available to pay for those things. Even if we’re tight until January, we had enough for today.

Teaching your son gratitude involves the ability to provide a positive, grateful perspective that counters a negative one. That doesn’t mean we can’t be frustrated or disappointed or discouraged. Those emotions are part of life. But gratitude decides to endure those seasons with a sense of thankfulness as well.

Helping your son to see “the bright side of things” can be tricky. On one hand, Pollyannaish replies are almost certain to increase his frustration. But contributing to a negative, ungrateful attitude only enables him to continue a detrimental thought pattern. We have to find the balance between empathy and truth. Although I don’t always do it very well, here’s the three-step approach I try to use:

1. Listen and acknowledge his feelings. For example, when your son complains, begin with an “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I can see you’re really upset.” Validation often releases some of the steam. Unfortunately, I’m often more worried about correcting his foolishness and coming up with something profound to say. Slow down long enough to hear him. Then prove you’ve heard what he said.

2. Ask for more information. Sometimes he needs help unpacking what he feels and why. Invite more conversation by stating, “I want to understand where you’re coming from. Can you explain what happened to cause you to feel this way?”

3. Redirect his perspective. Without sounding like a know-it-all, paint a different picture. Ask questions to lead him to different possibilities. Briefly share your struggles with gratitude and how you’re working to be a more positive and thankful person. Talk about someone you both care about who demonstrates an attitude you want to emulate.

You can’t force your son to change his attitude or perspective, but an alternative provides him with the choice.

What’s your biggest roadblock to a grateful perspective? How do you overcome it?

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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God …”

~ Philippians 4:6

Have you ever noticed how your attitude changes depending on who you’re hanging out with?

There was a time I had a friend who constantly complained. Bitterness over relationship wounds clouded all other interactions. Although she had a good heart and desire to live unencumbered by these situations, she couldn’t seem to let go. As a result, she tended toward gossip and criticism of other people during our times together.

When I was with her, I tried to listen with empathy. Of course, I also feared that when I wasn’t around I became the subject of her complaints! Often that is the case with those who are chronically dissatisfied. But I also noticed over time I started to demonstrate the same dissatisfaction with others. Like a virus, her attitude spread to my own. And I have no doubt, my growing negativity impacted those around me.

Gratitude—or a lack of it—is equally as contagious. Spend an afternoon with someone who sees a gift in every flower, sunset and chance encounter, and you’re likely to start noticing and appreciating things you’d before missed. The opposite, however, is also true. Spend a day with someone who can find nothing to be thankful for, and you might end up a bit depressed at the sorry condition of your life.

All this is leading up to one important and likely convicting point:

If you want raise a grateful son, you need to be a grateful parent.

A spoiled mom leads to a spoiled child. A mom who is never satisfied, who always needs more in order to be happy, will inadvertently teach her son to live precisely the same way.

Being a grateful mom begins with baby steps, choosing to look for and acknowledge the many different blessings that pepper daily life. One decision at a time, gratitude becomes a habit, a daily practice. Need a few baby steps to get started? Try these:

• Tape one of the verses from November 2^nd’s post to your bathroom mirror. Let it remind you of the goodness and nearness of God!

• On a 3×5 note card, make a list of the qualities you love about your husband (a parent or other significant relationship if not). Fold it and put it in your wallet your purse. Take a peek when you’re running thin on gratitude. J

• Once a day, commit to identifying one thing you love about your son and tell him about it. It can be the fact that he put his plate in the dishwasher or the way he made you laugh over dinner. Some days may take more effort than others!

• While running errands, notice the scenery. Soak up the people you pass, the trees dressed in autumn’s colors, the sound of children playing at the park. Notice the details and take a moment to savor them.

• Once a week, send a brief card to a friend letting her know how much you value her presence in your life.

• Regularly rehearse all the blessings in your life. I use a spiral notebook and write down everything I can think of in a 15-minute time block. Typically we’re most vocal about the challenges and difficulties. Decide to tip the scales a bit, choosing to verbalize the many reasons for thankfulness a little more often.

• When gratitude is difficult, choose to step into another person’s story. Research shows the happiest people are those who give themselves away. Find someone who needs encouragement and cheer even more than you do. Take her a bouquet of flowers, a new book or a plate of chocolate chip cookies. Chances are your perspective will change as a result.

How do you practice gratitude? Which is the above baby steps will you take toward gratitude this week?

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“Give thanks in all circumstances . . .”

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18

For almost two decades, our family has lived in one of the most affluent communities in the United States. We moved into a small, three-bedroom house, long before the multi-million dollar homes took shape and the parks and open spaces were developed.

Situated south of Denver proper, our small suburb sits on the lip of the bowl called the Denver Valley, looking down on the rest of those who make this Colorado city their home. Ours is a planned community with beautifully designed shopping areas, large homes governed by a home association, and streets, lawns and parks manicured with precision. Many call our community a “bubble,” a self-contained environment that tries to keep the “bad” out and the “good” in.

This is the environment in which we raised our children. It has its benefits: great schools, safe neighborhoods, lovely parks, and family-oriented community events. But it also has its rather daunting downside: an uncanny knack for producing spoiled kids.

High-schoolers drive cars I’ll never be able to afford, and kindergarten classrooms have more cell phones than Goldfish crackers. Each January, when my kids go back to school, we listen to the lists of expensive gifts their friends received for Christmas. Come August, we hear about the expensive vacations to exotic places.

At times it feels almost impossible to raise balanced children in this environment. No matter how much we do for them, it’s never enough. How can we possibly counteract what they see and experience every day?

Over the past several years, my husband and I have come to believe this isn’t a struggle unique to our community. If you live in the United States, you’re spoiled. So am I. We have far more than we realize, even during tough financial seasons. Even our poor have more resources than the majority of the world. Is it possible to raise our boys to be anything but spoiled men?

I believe the key—at least one of them—is cultivating a spirit of gratitude. Simply put, gratitude is . . .

. . . the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful.

Unfortunately, cultivating an attitude of gratitude isn’t simple. It doesn’t just happen. It takes intentionality and discipline.

November culminates with my favorite holiday of the year —Thanksgiving. For that reason, the subject of gratitude seemed well-timed. This month we’ll be discussing how to cultivate a grateful spirit in the heart of your son. It includes establishing a pattern of gratitude, developing a grateful perspective on life, and providing opportunities to practice gratitude.

Because gratitude is well demonstrated in the Bible, I’ll also be including a few key verses to encourage each of us to become women of gratitude ourselves. As I’ve mentioned many times before, it starts with us before it ever makes it to our kids. Here are a few verses to encourage you on your own gratitude journey. I hope the reading of them infuses your heart with thankfulness!

Here they are:

“Give praise to the LORD, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts.” ~ 1 Chronicles 16:8

“Sing to the LORD with grateful praise; make music to our God on the harp. He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills. He provides food for the cattle and for the young ravens when they call.” ~ Psalm 147:7-9

“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” ~ 1 Corinthians 15:57

“But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere.” ~ 2 Corinthians 2:14

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

What verse most swells your heart with gratitude?

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Today’s post is a subject close to my heart . . . and one I’m likely to climb onto a soapbox over.

It’s been close to two decades since I watched someone close to me self-destruct because of pornography. What started out as innocent preteen curiosity grew into something far more sinister and consuming, wounding countless people and eventually destroying a family.

If I thought porn was a problem back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, I had no idea how big monster pornography would become with the boom of the Internet. What was once difficult to acquire is now accessible with the click of a mouse. Even an accidental click. In the past twenty years, I’ve watched Internet porn grown like an out-of-control weed, becoming a 4.9 billion-dollar industry (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/pornography_and_virtual_infidelity.aspx).

Contrary to prior belief, it is far from being a male-only issue, with more and more women getting tangled in its frightening web. On average, teen boys are exposed to pornography by the age of 14. (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/socialissues/pornography/sex-trafficking/cause-for-concern.aspx) As a mom of three teenage boys, all of whom are past this age, I am simultaneously heartbroken and sick with terror. I know they face a daily battle, and as a mother I want to help them.

Nearly every household owns at least one computer, many with three or four. It is almost impossible to live in our current culture without Internet access. Academia now centers on teacher web pages and online courses. My sons can’t go to school without access to a computer and the Internet. To do so would mean failure.

As beneficial as the Internet can be, it’s littered with dangerous mine fields. Even I’m not immune. Recently, while doing research for an inspirational article, I stumbled onto a web page covered with images I won’t recount. Completely accidental, but it sobered me to the danger at our doorstep every day.

You can’t eliminate every threat. School computers, library computers, and friends’ computers. Your son will not always be within your reach. That means your chief defense is maintaining an ongoing conversation and establishing a safe and supportive environment in which to have those conversations.

Second to those conversations, however, I’ve put together a list of must-dos to make the Internet a safe place in your home:

• Keep the computer out of the basement and the bedroom. Part of our job as parents is to make it easier for our children to make the right choices. Ephesians 5:11 says sin thrives in darkness, the remedy being exposure to light. Putting the computer in a public place (i.e. the kitchen or family room) makes it more difficult for darkness to thrive.

• Purchase an Internet filter. This is an absolute must. If you haven’t already purchased and downloaded an Internet filter, do it today. We use Safe Eyes (http://www.InternetSafety.com), but Net Nanny, BSecure (formerly BSafeOnline), PureSight, and CYBERSitter are a few others. You can read about different products and reviews here: http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/.

• Use OpenDNS on your wireless router. I talked about this last week. Check out October 19’s post for more information.

• Use keystroke tracking software. This is Internet security on steroids. With this software, you can actually records keystrokes on the computer as well as Android, Blackberry and other smartphones. An example is SpecterSoft (http://www.spectorsoft.com/).

• Monitor the web history for each user. This is pretty easy to do, but it’s also easy to erase. After your son has been using the Internet (or preferably during), go to the web browser and click on “history.” It will bring up a list of recently visited sites. Internet filters will often keep a list for you, as well.

• Allow personal accountability. To reinforce the need for ongoing accountability with our boys, my husband and I regularly tell them they’re welcome to check out Internet history as well. We open ourselves up for review to teach them that accountability is not only good for teenagers, but also for adults.

• Keep the conversation going. It’s easy for the emotions to peak when it comes to this subject, especially if you catch your son doing something he shouldn’t. It’s shocking, disappointing and terrifying all at the same time. The tendency is to react first, think later.

But overreacting will end up closing the door on further dialogue. And what he needs more than anything is a safe place to learn and grow. Keep your head. Have a conversation. He needs your understanding, your coaching, your wisdom, as well as your boundaries.

Take the shame out of the conversation, and instead use Godly instruction blanketed with love.

How have you made the Internet a safe resource in your home?

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It took a trip with a church youth group a few years ago to educate me on the concept of “sexting.” I’d been previously naïve, thinking text messaging was a fast and easy means of innocent communication. Boy, was I wrong!

For those who are as clueless as I was, “sexting” is taking and sending sexually explicit pictures or sexually explicit messages over text. This is becoming increasing popular with teenagers because it often makes them feel powerful and attractive. They may do it to entice a potential relationship or simply to show off.

Whether it’s text messaging, iTunes, or social networking sites like Facebook, technology tools tend to make teens more aggressive and bold. At home or school, a teen may appear shy or reserved. Online or on text, they become almost a different person, outgoing initiators capable of revealing compromising pictures or sending texts or messages they’d probably never verbalize out loud.

The frightening thing is they’re too young and immature to understand the far-reaching consequences of these choices. Not only does it compromise their reputation (today and in the future), but it exposes them to dangers they can’t yet imagine. And, as you’re already aware, once an image or message becomes public, it’s impossible to get back.

If you’re like me, thinking of our babies in these terms is overwhelming. It’s difficult to imagine the little boy we taught to ride a bicycle has the capability of sending messages or posting pictures that would make Grandma turn in her grave. But it’s a reality, one our boys are wrestling with every day. According to Common Sense Media (http://www.CommonSenseMedia.org, 2009):

• 20 percent of teen boys have sent nude or semi-nude photos over the Internet or their phone

• 22 percent of teens admit technology makes them more forward or aggressive

• 38 percent say exchanging sexy content makes dating or hooking-up more likely

These statistics are more than two years old. No doubt today’s numbers are much higher. How can we help our boys walk through these minefields without collecting regrets?

1. It starts with a conversation. Just today I asked my youngest son what “sexting” is. He defined it perfectly, without flinching. He understands what it is and the potential consequences of participating. As he said toward the end of our conversation, “Subjects like this are uncomfortable. But I know we need to talk about it.” Exactly.

2. Establish accountability. My boys know I can and will check their text messages from time to time. We don’t announce it; instead we randomly pick up their phone and start wading through hundreds of texts. It’s possible and likely they will delete some messages before we see them. But knowing we’re watching helps them make better decisions. By the way, don’t be intimidated by the “You’re interfering with my rights!” statements. That’s typical teen lingo, and simply their attempt to test you. Remember: You’re the parent!

3. Monitor social networking sites. Our youngest son (almost 15) still doesn’t have a Facebook account. My husband and I believe another year of maturity and conversation will help him make better decisions when the time comes. Additionally, all passwords are public in our house. If mom and dad don’t know the password, or if one of our boys decides to change it without telling us, we disable the account. Period. Teach your son about privacy settings, and remind him to never give out addresses and phone numbers online.

4. Use an Internet filter. I’ll talk more about this next week. Stay tuned!

5. Use OpenDNS services via your wireless router. If this sounds like gibberish to you, I understand completely. I had to enlist the help of a computer-savvy friend to set this up. In short and easy English, smartphones and handheld devices don’t utilize the same Internet filter as your home computer. You need to set up a filtering system on your wireless network to monitor the content streaming into your son’s iTouch.

OpenDNS provides this service (http://www.opendns.com/). Remember, phones and iTouch devices can be even more dangerous than a computer, being they’re small and easily hidden in a bedroom.

For more information on how to make your home technology-safe, check out the list of safety resources on the Focus on the Family website (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/protecting_your_family/articles/family_safety_resources.aspx) and the suggestions offered on the MomLife blog of Family Life Today (http://www.momlifetoday.com/resources/teens-and-tec/).

To start a conversation about the importance of protecting your online persona, you and your son can visit http://www.thatsnotcool.com/.

What suggestions do you have for safe technology use in the home?

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