I grabbed a flashlight to see if I could spot the brawl, but the little warriors were hidden from view. Their fight went on for a bit and then it grew quiet, except for the rustling of leaves on the ground that told me at least one of my little furry friends had run away. The rest of the night was quiet. So, apparently, the disagreement I heard had been resolved one way or another.

I looked around the next morning but no signs of any problems. As my neighbor and I talked about what we heard the evening prior, she told me that when raccoon cubs reach a certain age, the male “fathers” send them away to build a life of their own. I wondered if the yelping and screeching sounds were from the young one not wanting to leave or from the father struggling as he had to let go. It may have been well intentioned but it was obviously not a happy occasion or a smooth transition. Even if it was necessary.

It got me to thinking about how we go through the process of “letting go” when our children grow up. As I talk to my friends and through my own experiences, I know there are times when that event is met with excitement from both parents and their children. They talk, they prepare, and they look forward to the time when the children will step out and establish their own independence as adults. The transition goes relatively smoothly.

Then there are times when the parents don’t want their children to leave. At least not when the children think they are ready. Skirmishes happen as parents attempt to reason with their children and to hold on, perhaps with pressure, with demands, with threats, or with bribes. Sometimes the parents are right: the child doesn’t have the maturity, skills or preparation to successfully take charge quite yet. He or she needs more time to transition into the responsibilities of adulthood and independence. Other times parents’ protectiveness takes control, and they don’t want to let go. Maybe they don’t want their children to struggle. Or maybe they’re not ready to face an empty nest.

Some families struggle because the parents know it is time for their children to step out and take charge of their lives but their children don’t want to take on the responsibilities of adulthood. And the battle ensues.

If you are a parent facing this transition time with your children these tips may serve as a guide to help you manage this time:

• Talk with your children about your desires for them and their future success as they transition into independence. It’s not a matter of if they will leave but rather a matter of how and when they can do so in a way that is best for everyone.

• Express your desire to support them as they transition and work with them to set a plan and timeframe that takes everyone’s needs into account.

• Identify your own personal concerns that might get in the way and get help if needed to work through your struggles.

• Listen carefully as your children express their needs and concerns and talk with them about options to address those areas.

• Talk with your spouse to be certain you are both in agreement about your expectations.

• Keep your family discussions respectful, honest, encouraging, and focused on your goals.

• If your children have special needs like a disability or extended illness, you’ll want to set expectations accordingly. Some outside counsel might be helpful.

• Most importantly, ask God to grant you wisdom to understand your children and to guide you as you help them enter this new stage of their lives.

Questions:

If you’ve been through this experience of helping your children leave the nest and take charge of their lives, what advice would you share with parents who are facing this transition time? What’s been helpful? What’s been challenging?

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“Am I helping enough?”

Questions like these fill our minds and our conversations as we watch our children learn how to manage their lives. How do we know when to say “yes” and when to say “no” when it comes to helping them? We want to support them and yet we know we have to let them learn how to manage their own lives. It’s not a problem when things are going smoothly, but what about when they hit the rough patches of life?

I remember when my sons learned how to ride a bicycle. After some practice with training wheels and my hand firmly planted on the back, the day came when it was time to take the extra wheels off. I held the back of the bicycle as the boys struggled to find their balance. “Don’t worry, son. I’m holding on.” Once I let them get comfortable, I knew I would need to let go so they could take off. So I did. And they did.

And at some point, they fell. Of course, I rushed over and helped them up, wanting to assure them, “I’m so sorry I let you fall. I’ll hold on.” I knew though, that if they were going to learn to ride I had to let go at some point, even if it meant they would fall down again. I knew eventually they’d learn. And they did. I remember watching them ride up and down the street with the biggest smiles. “Look at me, Mommy. I can do it all by myself.”

Now they are grown men, learning how to manage the challenges of adult life on their own. Balancing their finances. Building careers. Managing relationships. Maintaining their vehicles and their homes. Coping with their emotions.

Sometimes they come to my husband and me with a request to hold their bicycle while they get their bearings. For example, when my younger son moved to the town where we lived, he asked, “Can I stay with you while I find a job and a place to live?” We had just moved to the new community ourselves and were pleased that he decided to move to the same area. We knew he could use some assistance, so we set some expectations and a timeframe (boundaries) so he could get his bearings. And it worked out well. Soon things were in place for us to let go, and he began riding on his own. Has he fallen a few times? Sure, but he is learning how to pick himself up and get back on to ride again. And we are on the sidelines, praying and cheering him on.

There have been other times when our children have problems and our hearts are heavy. My motherly instinct wants to jump in, rescue, and hold the bike so they won’t fall. Yet, I know they need to work things out for themselves. So my role in those times is to be on the sidelines with my love, encouragement, advice if they ask, and my prayers. I know that while I’m not holding their bicycle and controlling the outcome, God is right there along side them, guiding, protecting, and healing any wounds that might occur.

When we help our children, it’s a great feeling to hear, “Thanks, Mom.” And when we let go and give them the space and support to learn on their own, it’s wonderful to here their excitement, “Look, Mom. I did it myself.”

My prayer is that God will guard our hearts and guide our steps to show us how to respond in a way that is best for us and for our children.

Questions:

• When have you held the bicycle for your adult children to give them a helping hand during a learning curve or a difficult time?

• When have you stayed on the sideline and given your children the space and time to tackle the challenges of life on their own?

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“I think this will work out fine for you,” I said confidently. “We can put your table and chairs in that corner and your television across the room. Then we can place your desk right here and set the other things around. I have a couple of lamps that will be perfect in here. Then in the kitchen, I think we’ll take those curtains down and get something more suited for you. It won’t take us long at all to have this place looking great.”

I fluttered around the apartment, planning the details of how we would set things up for his first place on his own when I glanced over and saw the look on his face. You may know that look. It’s the I-don’t-mean-any-disrespect-but-I-have-my-own-ideas glance that told me I had stepped over the line. After all, it was his new place and he was in charge, not me.

But I’m the one with the decorating sense, I thought as I quickly came to my defense. I know what will work best, and I can save him time and energy if he’ll just take my advice.

Once again, I needed to remember that while I may have ideas about how things should be for my children, they have their own ideas as well. I had to take off my mother-knows-best hat and step back as he took the lead in determining how he wanted to set up his new home.

That afternoon, it was about decorating an apartment so it was not too difficult to set aside my ideas, follow his lead, and wait until he asked for my advice. Other times however, it’s tougher for me to let go of that tendency to tell my adult children what they need to do. Especially when I’m concerned about the consequences of the choices they are making.

My desire to protect wrestles with my understanding that they need to be in control of their lives. I want to caution them about possible pitfalls, but I don’t want them to think I don’t have confidence in their ability to manage their lives. And yet, so much of what I’ve learned has come from my own experiences, and they need the opportunity to learn from theirs.

As parents we need to be able to share our ideas, suggestions and concerns without pressuring, threatening, demanding or demeaning. After all, we’ve told them they are adults now and responsible for their choices, and we want them to take charge of their lives, right?

So, we need to learn how to communicate in a way that is respectful and suggestive but not directive. Sometimes that means being quiet and accepting they may not ask for our advice. Other times it means learning how to share our concerns respectfully, as information for them to consider, with the acknowledgement that they are ultimately in charge.

Our role is shifting from a parent who leads to a parent who comes alongside to share wisdom, to offer advice if asked, to encourage, and to empower our children to make the best choices they can for their lives—for their sake and for ours.

Questions:

How do you manage those conversations with your own children? What tips about giving advice and expressing opinions would you share with other parents?

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Dana just sent both her son and daughter off to college. Ann recently met her newest grandbaby. Carol will watch her daughter walk down the isle and become a married woman. Three different major life events for a mom to share with her children, with a common question lingering in each of their minds:

Have I prepared my child for this new experience? And, how can I best support her (him) through the changes and challenges that are coming?

My sons are not facing the same situations at present. Yet, I find myself asking those same questions. We may tend to assume that by this stage our children are ready for the challenges ahead as long as material things and financial resources are in place. And yet, there are other tools we can offer them to encourage their success as they meet the challenges ahead—in the classroom, in their marriages, in all areas of their adult lives.

No matter what their age, no matter if they are traveling far away to school, continuing to live under our roof, or building a new relationship as husband or wife, they’ll need to effective life management tools in their own lives. And we can help them cultivate those tools as we model them, as we share from our own life experiences, and through our encouraging words. For these tools, we won’t need to tap our bank account. We can simply draw from the love and wisdom God has given us to share with our adult children.

I’ve shared some of these before but would like to give us all a “refresher” as we consider the new opportunities and new challenges many of our adult children are experiencing:

1. Positive self-image. Children of all ages need to hear they are special and that they are loved and valued for who they are, not just for their accomplishments.

2. Courage and confidence. They will face tough challenges, in the classroom, in the workplace, and in their relationships. They must learn how to tackle difficulties. And if they choose to talk with us about those challenges, they need to hear our acknowledgment that they can lean on the Lord for strength and on us for support. When they hear, ”You can do it!” they’ll more likely echo, “I can do it!”

3. Resiliency. Our children will fall down. We all do. However, they don’t have to stay down, if they learn how to bounce back. We must encourage them to pick themselves up, assess what happened, make necessary corrections, then draw on their courage and hope from within to move forward.

4. Respect, kindness, friendliness, patience, self-control, forgiveness. These are important building blocks of relationships—friend with friend, student with teacher, parent with child, husband with wife. As we give them these gifts ourselves, we model what they can offer others.

5. Stress management tools. The challenges of managing life independently, even new opportunities and new relationships, can be stressful. We can share with our children positive tips we’ve discovered for coping with stress in healthy ways to avoid becoming overloaded, overwhelmed, and overdrawn.

6. Awareness of God’s constant presence with them. Our children can draw a sense of comfort and confidence in knowing God is with them and has promised to help them manage life’s challenges as they draw close to Him, seek His guidance, and make choices that will honor Him.

7. Our love and encouragement, along with our prayers. Our children need to know that when life knocks them down, we will be there for them, just as we will when they celebrate success. They also need to know we will lift them up in prayer to the Lord each day.

You’ll find more tips on supporting your adult children through challenging times in Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child (Bethany House, 2011).

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Their talents and skills amazed us as they challenged and even surpassed world records. And yet, talent and skill were not the only reasons for their success. These young people are passionate about their craft and fully committed to doing whatever is necessary to excel. They’re focused on their goals and don’t allow themselves to be distracted. They’re willing to do the hard work of learning, practicing and sharpening their skills.

As we listened to their personal stories, we learned about the sacrifices they’ve made physically, financially and emotionally for many years to prepare. We even heard about the spiritual support that guides many of their minds and hearts.

We saw a spirit of confidence that seemed to override their uncertainties. While fears may have tried to creep in and throw them off course, what they exhibited above all was a belief that they prepared to the best of their ability and were ready to meet success.

Some reached or perhaps even surpassed their goals and received the medals they dreamt of. Others fell short of a medal but were satisfied to have given their best and met the success of their own personal goals. Then there were those who didn’t perform as well as they had hoped and were left to sort through the tears as they came to terms with their loss.

And what about those who gave all they could, came up short of reaching the goal for that event, and then had to prepare for another event? Perhaps that takes us to another trait we witnessed: resiliency.

They had the fortitude to bounce back. To let go of the past and move forward with renewed focus and determination. When interviewed about their performance, they chose not to dwell on what went wrong. Instead they talked about shaking off the defeat and preparing for the next event.

And we watched the parents of many of the athletes, overflowing with love, pride, confidence, hope and prayers. I found myself relating to them somewhat, knowing how great it feels to look into your child’s eyes and share the joy of their victory. I also thought about those parents whose children didn’t find the success of their dreams. I’ve been in that position with my sons as well, searching for words of comfort and encouragement as they experienced the pain of loss.

Our children may not be Olympic stars, but they do have their own unique talents, dreams, desires, and opportunities to find success in their life. And they, too, will sometimes feel the pain of loss.

Our adult children are facing their own life challenges and opportunities, as they set goals and strive to achieve dreams. And we have the opportunity and responsibility to be on the sidelines with our love and support.

To do what we can to help them prepare for all God has in store.

To offer the wisdom of our own experiences and understanding.

To cheer them on as they step out to pursue their goals.

To encourage them to give their best.

To celebrate their joys and grieve their losses.

To help them find the resiliency to bounce back from defeat.

To pray for them.

To encourage them look beyond the preparation and the finish line—to find the joy God has for them in the journey.

To point them to the Lord as their ultimate trainer and His Word as their guide.

We cheered our country’s Olympic athletes as they approached their goals with confidence, focus, determination, fortitude, and with resiliency. Let’s do the same for our own children as they strive to find the success God has designed for them.

You’ll find more tips on supporting adult children through challenging times in Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child (Bethany House, 2011).

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Parkinson’s disease is taking its toll as other physical challenges increase for him as well. He is grieving the loss of independence and function as he now looks to us to care for his needs.

We talked about the struggle to balance his desire for independence with his need for assistance as his health deteriorates. We must now work together to determine how best to care for him.

Perhaps you, too, are in this life stage, or know that it will be coming for you before long as your own parents reach a point where they’ll need your care.

Later in the evening, my husband and I talked about how we need to care for my father. Our conversation shifted to some challenges our grown sons are experiencing. While they are adults and responsible for meeting their own needs, we know there are some areas of support we can offer to help them work through the issues at hand.

Perhaps you are in that same place with your own adult children as you see them face challenges and want to come along side with support to help meet needs.

As the evening came to a close, my husband and I shifted our focus again to some of our own needs. My mind lingered on these three areas as I drifted off to sleep and I woke up this morning with a stark reminder.

We are right in the midst of the “sandwich generation.”

We’re caring for my father and helping our children, while also needing to care for ourselves. As so many people in this very position, we’re feeling a financial and emotional squeeze.

As life spans increase for our aging parents and as our young adult children face increasing challenges while trying to establish their careers and their lifestyles, more and more adults from the mid-forties to early sixties are finding themselves in this role.

If you are caring for elderly parents, helping your adult children launch out on their own, and planning for your own career shifts and retirement, you are a part of this sandwich generation with me, or perhaps soon will be.

Here are some key principles I’m learning to help navigate this time and minimize some of the stress that comes with this life passage.

• We need to have open conversation with both our parents and our children as we talk about the challenges and needs we all may be facing now or in the future. We need to consider their issues and they need to be mindful of our needs as well so we can look at the big picture together. The more we can approach things as a team and keep the lines of communication open, the better able we will be to adapt to changes and address challenges.

• We need to preserve our assets. It is great to be able to take care of family members and offer assistance, but we also need to be sure we’re taking care of ourselves. Planning for both immediate and long term needs is key.

• We must take care of ourselves—physically, emotionally, and spiritually, as well as financially. Watching those we love struggle is stressful. Discerning how and when to help is stressful. Stepping back from control and responsibility with our children’s lives while taking on more control and responsibility with our parents can be a stressful challenge for everyone. Balancing time for others with time for self is stressful.

Yet, caring for someone we love can also be a rewarding and enriching time for us, a time to show love in tangible, meaningful ways. We need to care for ourselves, which includes setting appropriate boundaries and expectations, so we can be effective caregivers and experience the blessings God has in store for us through these experiences.

May we ask God to grant us the wisdom, grace, and resources to manage this time in our lives well and to meet needs of those we love as He guides and directs.

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So she waits. And hopes for healing. And draws close to God, relying on Him to guide her steps, guard her heart, and meet her family’s needs.

A dear friend is battling a disease that has attacked her body repeatedly. Treatment after treatment has taken a toll, leaving her weary and worn.

So she waits. And hopes for healing. And draws close to God, relying on Him to guide her steps, guard her heart from the discouragement and fears that can easily take hold, and meet her needs.

A young adult man I’ve known for many years lost his job and had to move back in with his parents. The job market for someone with his skills is tough right now and his situation is complicated by an illness that zaps him from time to time. Financial pressures are mounting. Depression and discouragement tug at his mind each day, making it more and more difficult to find the optimism needed to present himself positively as he searches for a job and battles his disease.

So he waits. And hopes for healing. And draws close to God, relying on Him to guide his steps, guard his heart, and meet his needs.

Recently we watched wildfires and storms cause devastation to families, businesses, and communities in several areas of our country. My husband and I dealt with the destruction of a hurricane and a flood. So, I remember the initial shock I experienced at the damage done, then the relief that my family was safe and things were not worse, followed by the grief and fatigue that set in as the slow, tedious, and costly recovery process took place.

So my prayer support goes out to those who are now facing their own fire and storm recovery as they wait. And as they hope for healing in their own lives and in their communities. If you are one of the many families who are now experiencing this devastation, I pray that you will draw close to God and rely on Him to guide your steps, guard your hearts, and meet your needs.

The stories of struggle go on and on for so many. You hear them as I do. You and your children experience them at times in your lives as I do. While the pictures may look different, there are common threads weaving through them. Life is hard at times and not always fair. Tragedy happens and suffering comes.

How comforting to know that in the midst of life’s storms, God is there to lift us up, wrap us in His cloak of love, and meet our needs.

There’s a familiar scripture passage that’s part of a collection of songs—songs of sorrow, songs of despair, and songs of joy. It is the 23^rd chapter of the book of Psalms. If you or your children are in the midst of a life storm, let these words encourage you as you wait, as you hope, and as you draw close to God.

God, my shepherd! I don’t need a thing.

You have bedded me down in lush meadows,

You find me quiet pools to drink from.

True to your word,

You let me catch my breath

and send me in the right direction.

Even when the way goes through Death Valley,

I’m not afraid when you walk at my side.

Your trusty shepherd’s crook

makes me feel secure.

You serve me a six-course dinner

right in front of my enemies.

You revive my drooping head;

My cup brims with blessing.

Your beauty and love chase after me

every day of my life.

I’m back home in the house of God

for the rest of my life.

(Taken from The Message by Eugene Peterson)

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As a mother of two sons, I know the importance of encouraging my husband and supporting him in his role as father. Now I’m seeing that role with fresh eyes as my son has stepped into this role and my husband is now both father and grandfather.

I shared words of encouragement and challenge with fathers recently, thinking about the role they have in the lives of their children as they are growing up. Looking back over those thoughts, I recognize the tips are applicable to dads of adult children and to grandfathers as well.

Children from infants to adults are bombarded with countless influences and need to know where to turn for sound guidance. Who will lead them down the right path? Who will be there to walk along side and offer a hand when they need help? Who will caution them if they stray off course? Who will love them unconditionally, reflecting the same love God has for us as his children?

Fathers can play that important role in the lives of children, and grandfathers have a unique role as another significant male influence.

Our father-child relationship has a powerful impact on our other relationships and on our own development. Our connection with the world around us, our self-esteem, and our ability to cope with the challenges of life are impacted by that relationship. Even our vision of God as our Heavenly Father is influenced by the relationship we have with our earthly Father.

Dads, here are a few tips to encourage a strong connection between you and your children, perhaps your grandchildren as well. Consider how you can foster a positive relationship with them physically, emotionally, and spiritually, no matter what their age.

• Spend one-on-one time with each of your children and grandchildren. You can do so in person, on the phone, through email, or perhaps via Skype. That one-on-one attention is important.

• Show interest in and respect for what’s important to them.

• Encourage them to share their experiences, discoveries, concerns, successes, even their failures, not just their grades or job descriptions. Listen with a desire to understand. Acknowledge their thoughts with compassion. If the door is open, give direction rather than mere judgment. Express concerns respectfully.

• Find an activity they express interest in and join them. Let the emphasis be on having fun.

• Let them work along side you in the garage, around the house, with the car. Teach them what they’ll need to know as they take on those adult responsibilities. Be open to learning from your adult children. Ask their advice.

• Look for opportunities to share your principles, values, and wisdom gained from your life experiences—without lecturing. Ask the Lord to help you teach these by example.

• Share meals at the table.

• Recognize the power of the first and last thoughts you express in your time together. Rather than criticism or punishment, let your first and last words that linger in their minds be positive affirmation.

• Hug your children.

• Be available when they need you.

• Tell them about God’s love for them and his desires for their lives. Pray with them and for them.

• Tell them you love them. Then show them you mean it in ways they’ll understand.

Heads up, dads and grandfathers. Amidst the busyness of your own life, give your children and grandchildren the gift of your active, caring presence. It’s a priceless expression of God’s love through you.

A word to moms and grandmothers: Ask God to help you be the best support to your husband and son/son-in-law as they fill the role God has given them. If there is not a father or grandfather actively present in your children’s/grandchildren’s lives in a healthy, loving way, pray that God will bring other men along side them—teachers, church leaders, family members, neighbors, friends—who will be a positive influence in their lives.

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If you are the parent of a young man or woman now serving in the military or someone who has recently been discharged from active duty, you have some unique challenges and also some great opportunities to show your love and support.

As I was writing my book, I talked with Sara Horn, wife of a Navy reservist and founder of Wives of Faith, about the challenges unique to families of those in the military. I asked her to comment about the varying perspectives of parents and spouses of those serving. Here are her comments that were included in my chapter for parents with special challenges:

There has always been an interesting dynamic between the mother of a soldier and the wife of a soldier. Since I interact mainly with the wives of soldiers, I have heard countless stories of the “crazy” mother-in-law—the one who seems to cry more than the spouse at the mere mention of a deployment. Or the one who insists on the soldier coming home to her house for R&R instead of to his wife and their home. Or the one who doesn’t connect or stay in touch at all with the spouse or even the service member while he/she serves overseas.

Parents and spouses have different perspectives when it comes to their loved one serving in uniform. Both love, but the parent also wants to protect; the spouse wants to support.

I asked Sara to advise parents who want to be the best support to their children in the military and to the spouses and families of those serving. Her comments are directed toward parents who have a son serving but she shares the same advice with those who have a daughter in the military:

First, recognize the important service your son is performing for his country and be proud of him. Whether or not you agree with his decision to join the military (especially if you don’t agree with the current wars), your child has made a decision to serve the greater good and do something that makes a difference for others.

When it comes to supporting the spouse of your soldier, be sensitive to her needs as well as emotions. Deployment is an incredibly emotional thing and it can be hard to gauge sometimes what everyone wants or needs. Don’t be afraid to ask your daughter-in-law what she needs from you. Is it help with the grandkids? A listening ear? Prayer?

Don’t go to your soldier son’s wife and complain about his military service, or express your serious fears about him being overseas. You need another friend to talk to about these issues; your daughter-in-law has enough fear and stress of her own, and it is a difficult role to live as the wife versus the mom. For the wife, it isn’t just about the heartstrings—she is living it on a daily basis as she keeps her home going, her kids going, and encourages her husband while he’s away.

Do offer your daughter-in-law and grandchildren your full support and let them know you’re available to help them as they need it. Give specifics of how you can help. For example, if you live close enough, volunteer to have a Grammy night once a week so your daughter-in-law can have a little break. Or make plans to visit as often as you’re able and show your support in tangible ways.

Do give your daughter-in-law the “right-of-way” when it comes to any decisions regarding the deployment—departure, R&R, homecoming. Honor Ephesians 5:31 and recognize your son is now the head of his own household. Let them know if you’d like to be part of the departure or homecoming festivities but be sensitive to what they may be feeling. Don’t demand—request. Respect your adult child and his spouse’s wishes if they just want themselves and children to be together before/after he leaves or comes back.

Be a blessing to your grandchildren. Offer them encouragement and tell them often how proud you are of them and what they’re accomplishing while their parent is gone.

You’ll find these comments from Sara along with additional tips from a mom whose son is serving in the Marines in Chapter 8 of my book, Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child.

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And yet, we knew they would face difficulties along their life journey, trials that would bring pain and loss. This is especially tough when it involves their relationships. We’re hopeful our children’s friendships and marriages will last throughout their lifetimes. But sometimes those relationships end in death or divorce.

Dreams are shattered and hearts are broken—theirs and ours as well. We don’t want them to struggle. Yet we know they must ultimately travel the journey of grief and recovery on their own.

If you are facing this kind of trial in the life of your family, perhaps these tips will bring encouragement as you love and support your adult child. The insight comes from my own personal journey as a parent, as well as the experiences of friends and clients whose children have experienced the loss of a loved one through death or divorce.

• Be available and willing to listen when they want to talk, without feeling the need to “fix” things for them. Recognize the power of your presence, even in the quiet times.

• Express your confidence in their ability to work through their grief. Say, “I know with God’s help you’ll get through this time.”

• Offer your assistance, “Let me know how I can support you through this.” Leave the door open but don’t pressure them to involve you.

• Be careful and respectful in your conversations. Remember: their decisions are ultimately theirs to make and to work through. Don’t compound their grief and adjustments with your negative comments and criticism. Be ready to offer guidance if they ask while also recognizing they may or may not heed your advice. Don’t pressure them to respond as you direct, unless something like their safety is at risk.

• Recognize that you have your own grief to work through as you let go of dreams and expectations you had, and as you let go of the person your child brought into your life. Find safe, healthy ways to process your feelings. Seek out confidential, caring people to help you deal with your own concerns so your grief doesn’t complicate your child’s situation.

• If you have grandchildren, be careful to manage your emotions so that you can be in a healthy position to offer them your support, attention, stability, and assurance that you are there for them. Watch how you answer their questions and don’t criticize their parents. Express your concerns if they ask but don’t elaborate on your own feelings.

• If your children remarry, help everyone adjust to their new blended family. Support everyone by welcoming new step-family members that may come along.

• Let your children know you are praying for them. Assure them of God’s presence, his love, his protection, and his provision as they cope with their losses and move on with their lives. If your children are receptive, share some verses from God’s word that offer comfort and encouragement.

Above all: may we remember (and remind our children) God has been present throughout the ups and downs of our lives. He is with us on this journey as well, ready to heal our hurts and fill our hearts with his grace, his forgiveness, his compassion, and his love.

For more tips on supporting your child through difficult times, read Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child (Bethany House, 2011).

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