The family is so important to God that it was highlighted in the last verse in the Old Testament before God went silent for over 400 years:

He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.”

Malachi 4:6

Why? Because the family is the primary means by which the Gospel message is to be passed.

To help us understand the importance of family—for it is one of the three institutions put in place by God (next to government and church)—look at Proverbs 22:6 NIV:

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Train up a child: life is like a sword, you must grow into it in stature and skill to be able to “handle” it in a way that is right with God. However, you cannot handle it effectively until have been trained and have become a man or woman.

The Bible says: When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me (1 Corinthians 13:11).

As dads and moms, we must invest in each of our children to help them think and reason like a man/woman of God. We are to train for righteousness—having the knowledge of God’s Word to live in such a way that you are right with God in your thoughts, words and deeds

But remember a sword also represents truth as the Bible describes the armor of God:

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God . . .

Realize it is an offensive weapon—our dedication to teach God’s Word is the key to helping them separate the truth from non-truth within our culture—where we now call good evil and evil good!

So, train up a child . . .  In the way that he should go . . .

Way is like an archer’s bow can only be bent one way—our responsibility is to discern our kids spiritual individuality and special strengths (talents and abilities)

As parents we need them to understand that God has given each of them spiritual gifts to do extraordinary things for His purposes. God has a special purpose for all of their lives so that they will be able to reach people and encourage them and share truth in ways that that others cannot reach or share.

Be intentional—train up your child in the way that he (or she) should go!

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When the Bible addresses the question: What is love?, it does so by defining what the demonstrative behavior looks like in a relationship.

• Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

So how are you doing? You can email me, and I’ll send you a report card to be used by husbands/dads with their wife and children. The goal is to learn their perspective on your demonstration of godly love. They are to grade you A-F in the top section.

You can not defend your position, only ask for clarity on why they graded you as they did—for it is about their perspective. The goal is to have them identify three things you can do to further your relationship and how you can help them grow spiritually.

Tell them that your relationship is of the utmost importance to you and that you want them to be open and honest. When they finish the report card, take them on a date to discuss.

May God richly bless your time and use this to deepen your relationship.

(You can email me or send stories back to JimWeidmann@gmail.com)

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It’s amazing to me to watch young parents struggle with tired and obstinate kids.

I like the concept I learned at IBM: if you accurately define the problem, then the solution is obvious, so spend your time defining the problem!

Look at your calendar—it may be your schedule! Schedules are important for creating stability in the home. If you can set a regular schedule for kids you can create a sense of security for them. They know what to expect and when.

But be intentional and set a schedule that works for you the parent and do not be driven by your kids’ schedule! If they are involved in too many activities to set a schedule, you might consider letting them only participate in one extracurricular activity each school semester.

We are parents, not program directors, put in place to schedule activities for every moment of the day. And by the way, research shows down time (no TV, computer, video games) is critical for kids to develop creativity.

So, look at your family calendar and ask the question: Do you have a schedule that provides security or one that leads to chaos?

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I was having a discussion with a dad at church this week, and he made a statement that made me uncomfortable.

He said he and his wife They been struggling with their son’s rebellious behavior and felt that they needed for him to learn how to deal with the tough environment he has created—especially in dealing with his friends. They felt it would make him stronger. What made me uncomfortable is the fact that we are all sinners, and sin attracts us when unchecked or undisciplined!

I remember a parent once telling me that our children are like seedling plants that need to be nurtured before being put out into the harsh climate. Our children need to be nurtured in their spiritual, emotional and social behaviors before releasing them into a toxic culture that wants to devour them like a roaring lion!

Think through the level of maturity your children are at and their understanding and ability to withstand the temptations of the environment in which you are about to release them. If they do not have the understanding and ability, then help them by putting rules in place and explaining why they are there to protect them.

For example with this father, his son was engaging in bad behaviors when he hung around with a group of kids. We talked about linking the behavior to the son’s time spent with friends so he could see the consequences—trouble in school, bad grades . . . then he was going to sit down and talk with his son to put “rules” in place on limiting his time with them and then tying the rules and their consequences to his freedoms/responsibilities, like use of cell phone, nights out, curfew . . .

Think through your children’s “culture” and make sure you are mapping maturity to responsibility.

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I was having a conversation last weekend with a lady who is engaged in political actions that directly affect the family.

She began to tell me about some almost absurd issues that are being discussed to be brought into law. It is almost as if the government does not see parenting as a “parental right,” implying that the government has the right to intervene if it “feels” the parents do not align with their view on good parenting. We have seen this with the “spanking” issue.

So all this to say that good parenting needs to be understood from the experts that align with our Christian perspective, not the government. As parents, many of us coming out of broken or blended families, we need to “study” the key issues associated with our biblical responsibility to love, teach and discipline our children, for we have no models or experience. We need to read the core books from noted Christian ministries/authors who address: discipline, self-esteem, and spiritual formation. Here are a few I used:

1. The New Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson

2. Hide or Seek by Dr. Dobson (self-esteem)

3. Your Heritage by Otis & Gail Ledbetter and Kurt and Olivia Bruner (spiritual training: click here)

4. PG Parental Guidance by David and Patty Bunker (click here)

If you are dealing with an issue, research that issue online through the trusted Christian ministries and authors and read what the experts have to say. You do not have to parent alone, and you do not want the government dictating good parenting!

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To be a man of God, you must be a man of God’s Word!

It all starts with you and your willingness and dedication to spend time in God’s Word to learn the principles, precepts and promises so you can teach them to your children. It amazes me at the lack of intentionality to seek godly insights resulting in a lack of confidence in God’s Word. This in turn, keeps parents from feeling secure enough in their own beliefs to pass them on to their children. So, they abdicate to the church. 

But I remind you that Jesus taught his disciples by living with his disciples—they watched what He did and listened to what He said. So our kids learn from us! But to respond in the “spirit” to life’s demands, you must know what “Jesus would do!”

And, you can only learn that through studying His Word to understand its principles, precepts and promises so you can teach your child and help them “respond in the spirit.”

Spend time in God’s Word, write down its principles of spiritual wisdom—then model and teach them to your children! 

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It seems that we are all moving soooo fast that we forget to “have fun” with our kids. They can get lost in the schedule of activities and you become more of a demanding coach than a loving parent.

One of the key aspects of Heritage Builders is the concept of “merriment,” which Google defines as: high-spirited fun and enjoyment; hilarity.

Now, would you characterize your child’s perception of you as this? But it is soooo critical to developing relationships. See, we all like to spend time with people who are fun. The more time your kids spend with you in a fun loving way, the more chance you have to influence them—and their friends and the deeper your relationship will grow.

As the relationship grows, so does your child’s understanding of your desire for his or her best interests causing their respect for you to grow as well. It is a proven fact that the more fun you have with your kids, the less you will need to discipline! For when a fun relationship is built, kids are not as tempted to challenge and test limits.

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It amazes me, as I watch parents with young kids today, the lack of attention given to teaching self-discipline—particularly when it comes to sitting at a restaurant or in church. It seems that the kids fuss and fight to get down and run around annoying others near them.

Children must be taught to be patient, sit and listen.

We live in a culture of “stimulation.” Even as I watch my grandson come into our family gatherings, he gets over-stimulated and becomes almost unruly (but not quite—he’s my grandson . . . ). Kids are allowed to watch videos, play videos games—my 18-month-old grandson can work my IPad to get to his games! Being patient (a godly virtue) is important for the child to learn self-discipline. Not being constantly entertained or in some physical activity stimulates their imaginations.  

When eating dinner, make it a “rule” that they must sit and play quietly or listen until the dinner time is over. When in a restaurant, make the same rule—although you might bring a “table” bag of goodies like crayons and paper, small toy cars . . .

When you get brave and think you have it mastered, you might even try and take them to church with a “church bag” of goodies to play with quietly. Children must be taught to be patient and respectful and quiet in certain settings.

If you can master it at home, it will pay big dividends in school!

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I’ve long felt that discipline is about having balance between saying “no” and praising “yes.”

“No” in discipline—which is training that either removes an undesired behavior or leaves a desired behavior—is a powerful statement of clarity. God used this concept in the 10 Commandments when He said “You shall have no-or-not” in eight of the 10 Commandments.

There is no room for argument. But it seems like you can be riding your children if you use “no” without giving clarity and encouragement to the positive behavior side as well. The Bible is filled with “meat” describing the positive application of God’s principles and promises.

So, as the children grow, I encourage you to put clear rules in place to guide them toward the desired godly behavior. Make sure they have clear consequences, and the rules are communicated or written down ahead of time.

But also, praise them when they demonstrate the desired behavior through their actions in their daily life. Use phrases like “ I am so proud of you, and so is God, because you showed how you can love your neighbor as yourself when you shared your . . .”

As I have mentioned in the past,  use charts with stars and a reward system for the little guys and gals, reviewing and encouraging their desired behavior at the end of every day.

Be a parent who knows how to “praise”—not a parent who only uses “no’s”!

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I like New Year’s resolutions because they are so full of great intentions. The challenge is to sustain them—diets, exercise . . . changed behavior!

My father modeled the importance and intentionality of putting family above work, and so I learned to do likewise. Now as a grandfather, we are reaping the rewards of putting family relationships over work responsibilities as all four of our children are pursuing their faith. Two have married spouses who are also pursuing their faith.

This year, let me challenge you to Choose to Cheat—a play off the title of a book by Andy Stanley, Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide? His basic premise is that with healthy relationships in place, we should want to spend 24/7 with our God, wife and kids—but we must work a minimum of 40-60 hours a week to make a go of it to provide for your family. So you have to cheat some one!

In consulting, we use the concept of “boxed” engagements. This means that we agree to do some limited scope of work as determined by limited funding. I want to challenge you in 2012 to Choose to Cheat by “boxing” your work responsibilities so as not to compromise your time with your God, spouse and children.

Begin by reading Andy’s book, and let its conviction provide your sustaining motivation to change. You will reap eternal rewards!

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